In Memorium, My Mother

I have been writing and rewriting this blog entry in my head for over two weeks now, and I have decided that I just have to bite the bullet and write it. My mother died on October 31, 2008 in the early morning hours. I got the call from my father, about 8 in the morning. When I saw my dad was calling so early, I knew the news was not good, but I was hoping it wasn't as bad as it turned out to be. She died because she was prescribed a blood thinner due to her surgery and her ulcer gave way, causing her to bleed to death internally. She wasn't supposed to be on blood thinners; nobody realized she was taking them. She had been given a large list of prescriptions to take after her surgery and that one slipped by; it was probably the heart hospital that prescribed it. We are all utterly devastated by this, she was supposed to be getting better! She survived the surgery, she was doing the dialysis and she seemed to be slowly recovering. She was getting stronger. Then some damn medication she wasn't even supposed to be taking causes a deadly condition not even related to her surgery! It all seems so unfair. My father is coping, but the way he hurts and misses her makes me cry more for the unfairness of it all. I cried so hard when I realized that day that my toddlers will now never know their grandma, that grandma will never be there to watch them grow, or hear them call her name. I can only comfort myself with the idea that she is still looking on, watching them from afar. My mom was my mentor, my guardian and my best friend, and I miss her terribly.
It was my brother's birthday on the 12th of November, his 40th, and we all gathered last night for our traditional "birthday dinner" for him over at an Italian bistro in Tempe. I made him a birthday cake, with white chocolate frosting, as my birthday present to him. The babies were really good overall except for the now traditional dumping of the soda in my lap by Tabitha. My feet made sticky sounds for the rest of the evening. John received money and gift cards from Dad and Kathleen, our younger sister, since he is moving to Chicago on December 1st and we figured the last thing he needed was another thing to pack. John was very sweet and told me that the cake was one of the best he has ever had. I wonder if I will get my plate back from him since he took the rest of the cake home. Dad mentioned Mom once or twice, but we keenly felt the loss of her presence at our family get-together. My eyes teared up when I read John's card from Dad, and it was just signed Love, Dad. It really brought home Mom was not where she was supposed to be, at my dad's side at the table, laughing and smiling that all her children were gathered yet again together just for her.
Mom, I love you and miss you!