Thursday, February 26, 2009

About a week later...

Thank goodness this month is almost over! At least February is the shortest month of the year, even on leap year. The kids finally got over their stomach flu last Friday, but I was not in any shape myself to go anywhere, including my sister's farmers market. They are starting the terrible twos a little early, though. I understand that is really the frustration in the gap between being able to communicate and what they want, but I do a pretty good job understanding the body language and pointing. Sometimes the thought they want to communicate is sort of complicated and they just throw a fit, but now I am starting to figure those out also. Tommy likes to tell on his sister, or maybe feels it is his duty, and that usually involves a full-on scream fest complete with not wanting anything including what he was just holding. He did that to me the other day out in the yard. I was around the back and they had gone to the front (it's all really a wrap-around yard so it's one big yard) so I was going to check on what they were doing. Tommy comes around the corner and starts throwing a humongous fit when he sees me, complete with throwing down his toy, plopping his butt on the ground and stomping his heels and kicking. I have no idea what that's about so I try to see if he's hurt or something but he just keeps going so I shrug my shoulders and go on to see what Tabitha is doing. She is sitting in the middle of my garden. A short sprint later gets her out of the garden. By this time Tommy has collected himself and is pleased with himself now that I found out what he was trying to tell me. I'm starting to see how this sibling rivalry thing is going to go. Tabitha goes the more direct route; hitting, scratching, biting, taking the toys, that sort of thing. Tommy will be the one trying to get Tabitha in trouble while he keeps his hands clean. I gotta figure these things out early or else I am going to get played like a fiddle by both of them.

Thank goodness my melancholic fog is starting to lift. I finally have my jewelry in a slide show on the blog, yay! That took a while to figure out and download all the pictures. All of the pictured jewelry is for sale at the farmers market on Saturdays and Sundays. I would also sell them online but I would only be able to do it by check or money order. Now I have so many things I want to make I need to prioritize them; right now it's like I have ADD. I'll think of something to make, then see a picture or look at a book and want to do something else. Then I'll look at my supplies and get pulled in yet another direction. It's like a mental list of 5 things that all have a gold star next to them. One of my biggest problems is wanting to do so much I wind up doing nothing because I'm paralyzed by indecision. I still try to work though, at least in the prep area. I finally mounted my wire wizard bending jig on a board so I can clamp it to the table for stability while I bend wire to make repetitive shapes. I couldn't very well screw it directly to the kitchen table, but on the board I can C-clamp it on for stability. I have only owned that thing for about a decade and managed to not lose it through 3 hurried moves in the last 4 years. I think I needed to finally feel like I was in a permanent place before committing to attaching that thing to something. I did give my bead supplies a do or die priority during all the moves because they would be the one thing I would regret the most not being careful with, not to mention they are my highest value capital investment in both actual material value and potential value as finished product. I think I'll do the project that's been banging around in my head the longest first; it involves to stuff I got from eBay a few weeks ago. It's like I have a creative burst, then I need to rest until I get the urge again. I'm starting to burst again so I better get to work....

Thursday, February 19, 2009

There's Vomit EVERYWHERE!

Oh my freakin' God! It's one of my worst nightmares come to life! The twins both have a stomach flu and I haven't done so much steady laundry in years! On Sunday, we (my sister, my nephew, my dad, me and the twins) went to Denny's to celebrate my sister's birthday. It was a great time; the kids were pretty good and we even got a free dessert from another patron because I helped him with some paperwork he brought but couldn't read because he forgot his glasses. Two days later, not such a great time. It started Tuesday morning. Tabitha started throwing up in the morning, after breakfast. I should have known something was wrong when she didn't eat her pancakes which she usually eats with gusto. Tommy finished hers off. Then she didn't finish her morning bottle. Little clues for the clueless. Then right after I changed her after breakfast it was the Niagara Falls of vomit. All over the kid's room. Oh, the stink! Rinse and repeat with the mid morning snack. All over me, and her room. I think I had worn that outfit all of 20 minutes before having to change. No more milk for her. Tommy so far was fine. Then, that evening Tommy started in on the fun. More laundry. Lots of towels. Now, both kids are on a clear liquid diet plus crackers. All day yesterday, all day today. This they keep down. I won't mention the horrible mess in the diapers. As of tonight, Tabitha seemed O.K., Tommy couldn't keep his supper down. Ugh, more hosing off the couch cushions. At least they settle down fast for sleep. I'm worried about dehydration but since they keep some down I think that part is O.K. but I'm definitely keeping watch. I guess I'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm really hoping Tabitha has gotten over it, but since Tommy started about 12 hours later I figure his will last about that long after Tabby is better. I will tell you, twin toddlers vomiting without notice where ever they may be is NOT cool. It's a first for them so I hope I can go another two years before it happens again. By that time I can reason with them to stay put and use the provided receptacle if they feel they need it. And then they could actually tell me how they feel, all I can do is guess right now and that just sucks.

Aside from that little crisis, Tabitha's language skills are improving and it's obvious both of them are understanding a lot of what I am telling them. I think they choose not to listen to some things, like don't touch the T.V. buttons and don't climb up on the table. Most of the other stuff I have baby-proofed like the cabinets, drawers and the oven. Tabitha has figured out how to open doors so now I have those doorknob covers on all the important doors. I have had to reverse the knobs on the accordion closet doors I don't want the babies to get into. They have a magnetic attraction to go outside so I have been very militant about always locking the back sliding glass door which they also recently figured out how to open if it is unlocked. That drives my hubby crazy since I am so automatic about it I often lock him out after the babies have gone to bed and he is out back grilling dinner. I trained myself to do that long before they figured it out just to have one less thing to generally worry about. I can't wait for life to get back to what I call normal.

My hubby is starting a new job today with another security company. Mike at PES (his old company) won't let him actually quit and told him that he would work around his new schedule. They really don't want to lose him, but what can Andy do when they are only scheduling him 18 hours a week? Also Andy heard from another company he applied to so he is going there for an interview tomorrow. I think Andy would work at all three companies if he could swing it, but I really don't think that would be feasible. His new job he started today is a dollar less an hour, but it is full time. If he can get a day or two from PES to round that out we would be O.K. If the company he is going to interview with tomorrow hires him at full time with better hourly I hope he would go with them instead but I am sure he will make the right decision on this. He is very focused on being able to support us and I trust him to do what needs to be done. God knows I am not about to get a job and get the kids in a daycare. I just can't make enough money(high school diploma only, if I could get a 9/hour job I would be lucky) to make working actually worthwhile after paying for the childcare, and other expenses associated with me working. Not to mention I am getting far too old for that crap. I'm almost 40 with twin toddlers; I don't see how working a crap job and then taking care of the kids wouldn't put me into an early grave. They completely exhaust me just by themselves. Then there is losing a child to suicide which has given me a complex that isn't easily unraveled without serious long-term counseling not affordable at my socio-economic level. I know I am post-traumatic about it. I deal.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Lost Month

February is not my favorite month. I'm glad it is so short. It has nothing to do with the weather, or the post-holiday blues. It' s the month my daughter committed suicide. February 9th is the anniversary of her death, three years ago. She was 13. I thought I was going to post something to my blog on that day, but I just couldn't bring myself to the keyboard, it's still too emotional for me on that day to do a whole lot that's meaningful. I still miss her terribly. She was just in the eighth grade. She would have been 17 this year. The babies keep me really busy which has probably been my best emotional rehabilitation but I still sometimes call Tabitha Cassie by accident. Then I get a little sad. I have a little shelf I have put pictures and mementos of Cassie on and I look at it every so often. I need to dust it but it's not high on my priority list to do by myself. February 17th is the anniversary of her burial so between the two dates it pretty much does this month in for me. Sigh. Time heals all wounds, so they say. I'm still waiting on that but it is getting a little easier, I suppose.

This month has also been tough on Andy. He is getting very little in the way of hours from work. He only worked 36 hours in the last two weeks and we are really going to feel that by the end of the month. He has been applying at all sorts of other security companies around the valley like crazy but no one is hiring. Some of the applications have been pretty insane too. I have never seen applications like these in my life either. Some of them have pages of questions, like "If you starting college tomorrow, what courses would you take?" "What does failure mean to you?" "How would your best friend, college roommate, parents, describe you?" and my favorite, "If you went back to age 18 years old what would you do differently?" I don't see how those questions are relevant to reveal answers to before even an interview. For a job that pays 10.00 an hour. It's not like these are applications for sensitive, high paying jobs. It just goes to show how far labor rights have eroded in the last couple of decades to the point such intrusive questions can be asked. This last application included all sorts of releases also to do every sort of background check imaginable: criminal, credit check, MVD report, and some others that weren't very specific, just that you were expected to sign your life away before even being considered for the job. Wow. I figure they feel they have the power to ask these questions since if you don't agree to them, you can't even get a crappy job and they will find someone who will consent to these questions. I wish I had some law expertise so I would know if it was even legal for these companies to subject potential employees to this level of prying. It's sort of like practicing discrimination on an individual basis by gathering so much information up front they can find anything to deny you a job if for some reason they just don't like you regardless of evaluating if your skill set matches the job. I think it completely violates the spirit, if not the letter of the law. End rant.

On the only bright side so far of this month, the babies are healthy and their talking skills are slowly coming around. Tabitha is so stubborn about not talking, even though she knows the words. Tommy is much more forthcoming and happy to tell me what he wants. He is much more practical. Tabitha is stubborn about it because she likes the attention. What else should I expect from twins, each vying for my attention in their own ways? I know at some point Tabitha's stubbornness will be undermined by the sheer force of human nature to talk and it will just come. I cling to that when she is throwing a tantrum for something or just pointing and saying "AHH".

And lastly for today, I did our taxes yesterday and amazed my hubby with the amount we will be getting from the Feds. I have been trying to explain to him about the Earned Income Tax Credit for a while now, but only by actually doing it could he see it was worthwhile. He still doesn't understand how we get something from the Feds when we haven't paid any out of his paycheck, and I try to explain that it is generally a subsidy for the poor to raise kids in a manner not completely destitute. The refund will really help with us getting back on our feet after this time of short hours for him. I wish I had gotten this done sooner, but late is better than never.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Bummer, the Cards lost!

As I'm sure everyone who has a t.v. in the world has now heard. Hey, they had a good run while it lasted. Leave it to the Cardinals to allow the longest drive in Superbowl history, 100 yards. If they had made that touchdown and not been intercepted they would have won the game. Though they fought the good fight after that it just wasn't enough to pull it off. Well, there is always next season.

Ashley was acting weirder than usual this weekend. She was constantly talking to someone who wasn't there. I don't mean in that talking to your self mode, but really asking questions in that tone you would use to actually ask someone, not the rhetorical tone like when you talk to your self. When a 4 year old talks to an imaginary friend it's considered normal generally. I think when a 17 year old talks to an imaginary friend it's called schizophrenia. I am afraid for the kids when she comes over because I don't know if and when she is going to snap. I would not be the least surprised if Andy gets a call one day, or we see on the t.v. that she has committed a double homicide on her mother and her roommate. I have heard she has had some real nasty fights with her mother and I think it is only a matter of time before something tragic happens. I just don't want it to be at my house. She is a big girl, over 200 pounds, and strong too. I think Andy does not feel as physically threatened by her as I do, hence the feeling I am over reacting to her presence. I have had enough tragedy, thank you very much.

Keeping the kids out of my garden seems to be a hopeless task, but I will persevere. Tommy purposely stepped in the garden, for the attention I guess. He squished a couple of my tomato seedlings. I hope they pull through and spring back but I am not holding my breath. Otherwise it is looking great and after about a month it's really starting to look like a garden, not a bare patch of ground. Tabitha seems to have more respect for the garden; she likes the idea of flowers growing. She makes this cute squinched face with a sniffing sound to signify flowers, which she makes when pointing to the little plants in the garden. She pats them like little pets, to show she is nice to them. Tommy is mostly interested in using the garden to get my attention. Kids will be kids and I'll just have to be patient.

I did a few hours of research online last night and could not find any definitive post about removing the finish off of vintage glass pearls, but I went ahead and decided to try out acetone nail polish remover, and it worked like a charm! I had half a large salsa jar of these beads and poured in enough polish remover to cover the top. It just melted the finish right off the beads. I still have to do some clean up; I really should have used less pearls at a time, with more acetone since I have congealed lumps of the coating that gathered in the solution. I am going to strain my vintage glass beads with a fine strainer and get the plasticy lumps out and give the beads a good cleaning. The ones that still need some more treatment I will set aside and use some fresh acetone nail polish and give those another go. I did find out acetone does not hurt real pearls with all my research last night so I might find out some of my glass pearls are real; that would be cool. I just can't believe that after all that Googling not one place on the whole web had the instructions on how to remove the finish from vintage glass pearls. It's not like those things don't get worn out and salvaging them just for the pretty glass beads they are underneath is a bad idea. It's just not out there as something people can do. Well, I'm off to go work on those now and by tomorrow I should be making stuff with those newly cleaned beads!