The Lost Month

February is not my favorite month. I'm glad it is so short. It has nothing to do with the weather, or the post-holiday blues. It' s the month my daughter committed suicide. February 9th is the anniversary of her death, three years ago. She was 13. I thought I was going to post something to my blog on that day, but I just couldn't bring myself to the keyboard, it's still too emotional for me on that day to do a whole lot that's meaningful. I still miss her terribly. She was just in the eighth grade. She would have been 17 this year. The babies keep me really busy which has probably been my best emotional rehabilitation but I still sometimes call Tabitha Cassie by accident. Then I get a little sad. I have a little shelf I have put pictures and mementos of Cassie on and I look at it every so often. I need to dust it but it's not high on my priority list to do by myself. February 17th is the anniversary of her burial so between the two dates it pretty much does this month in for me. Sigh. Time heals all wounds, so they say. I'm still waiting on that but it is getting a little easier, I suppose.

This month has also been tough on Andy. He is getting very little in the way of hours from work. He only worked 36 hours in the last two weeks and we are really going to feel that by the end of the month. He has been applying at all sorts of other security companies around the valley like crazy but no one is hiring. Some of the applications have been pretty insane too. I have never seen applications like these in my life either. Some of them have pages of questions, like "If you starting college tomorrow, what courses would you take?" "What does failure mean to you?" "How would your best friend, college roommate, parents, describe you?" and my favorite, "If you went back to age 18 years old what would you do differently?" I don't see how those questions are relevant to reveal answers to before even an interview. For a job that pays 10.00 an hour. It's not like these are applications for sensitive, high paying jobs. It just goes to show how far labor rights have eroded in the last couple of decades to the point such intrusive questions can be asked. This last application included all sorts of releases also to do every sort of background check imaginable: criminal, credit check, MVD report, and some others that weren't very specific, just that you were expected to sign your life away before even being considered for the job. Wow. I figure they feel they have the power to ask these questions since if you don't agree to them, you can't even get a crappy job and they will find someone who will consent to these questions. I wish I had some law expertise so I would know if it was even legal for these companies to subject potential employees to this level of prying. It's sort of like practicing discrimination on an individual basis by gathering so much information up front they can find anything to deny you a job if for some reason they just don't like you regardless of evaluating if your skill set matches the job. I think it completely violates the spirit, if not the letter of the law. End rant.

On the only bright side so far of this month, the babies are healthy and their talking skills are slowly coming around. Tabitha is so stubborn about not talking, even though she knows the words. Tommy is much more forthcoming and happy to tell me what he wants. He is much more practical. Tabitha is stubborn about it because she likes the attention. What else should I expect from twins, each vying for my attention in their own ways? I know at some point Tabitha's stubbornness will be undermined by the sheer force of human nature to talk and it will just come. I cling to that when she is throwing a tantrum for something or just pointing and saying "AHH".

And lastly for today, I did our taxes yesterday and amazed my hubby with the amount we will be getting from the Feds. I have been trying to explain to him about the Earned Income Tax Credit for a while now, but only by actually doing it could he see it was worthwhile. He still doesn't understand how we get something from the Feds when we haven't paid any out of his paycheck, and I try to explain that it is generally a subsidy for the poor to raise kids in a manner not completely destitute. The refund will really help with us getting back on our feet after this time of short hours for him. I wish I had gotten this done sooner, but late is better than never.